getting around to it

Well, I've finally begun a blog, which both my mom and my dad (divorced) agree upon...and when they agree on something you can bet it's a good idea. Except for George W. (Sorry, mom and dad.) Anyway, they wanted me to write about being a mommy. A little background: I am the proud mommy of Helena Rose, lovely 15-pound (or so) five-(5!)-month-old baby girl. She's amazing and wonderful and of course all the other things that people say about babies, and she's mine. And Ben's, of course...that's her daddy.

Since I was laid off of work 3 days after my return (is that illegal?) I am staying at home. I probably would have chosen to stay at home anyway, so it worked out. And it's quite fabulous to be privy to those sweet wake-up-smiles when Helena first gets up (7am-ish) or to that first-whatever (smile, laugh, crawl). But I've been telling stories lately about the other time in her life...the first three months.

The first three months deserved to be bold-typed, because they were tough. Yes, I was sleep-deprived, yes, she didn't interact much or even do much but fuss, eat, sleep, go potty in her diaper, need to be changed, etc. But the very hardest thing was how everyone else seemed to be in love with the idea that this was "the best time in [my] life" and how much I should enjoy it. I can't count the number of times that folks chided me to "not let this time get away" from me! It was so precious! Or the phrase "I bet you can't even imagine your life without her!"

People, please.

I love this baby. She's really fabulous, and of course like all other mommies I truly believe that she's the best ever and smart and lovely not to mention totally gorgeous, and probably will be witty, when she can talk. BUT the best time of my life?

Never again will I say to a new mom "isn't it the best?? Don't you just love her more than you ever thought possible??!" Because while that is absolutely true of my 5-month-old, at 2-months or so I was thinking, "um...well..."--not that I didn't love her of course. But did I? CAN you really love someone whose main goal in life is to sleep (but not at the same time as her parents, you understand)? The phrase "Can you even imagine your life without her anymore?" made me constantly think, uh, yes, it seems that only two months ago I was sleeping soundly and through the night. (Although pregnant women out there know that you're actually not sleeping for the last 2 months either).

So it's Halloween this last weekend, Helena and daddy went trick-or-treating (she was a zebra!) and I can definitely say with a vengeance now--I LOVE HER! She's so AMAZING! I Can't Imagine My Life Without Her! But it took me a while. And do I think that makes me a bad mom? No, I think that makes me pretty normal. I just wanted to get it out there for those moms who are thinking "Oh crap, this isn't making my life complete!" Don't worry...it will come. For now, keep nursing (or bottling!) and sleeping when they sleep. One day they'll wake up, give you that sleepy morning smile, and you'll think, wow...this is, like, the best time of my life.