strength in numbers

Moms of the world, UNITE! That reminds me of a Far Side comic from way back, that reads "Bad spellers of the world, UNTIE!" Get it?!

Anyway, I realize that life is just hard no matter which side of the mommy/parent/stay-at-home/work-away-and-then-come-home coins you're on. I remember very well being the absolute best babysitter ever when I was in high school, and then in college. I would bring crafts and books and fun things to do--jus tthe absolute best babysitter ever. (Come to think of it, I wish I could find a babysitter like I was, actually.) But I can only imagine me babysitting kids now. Turn on the TV, break up any fights.That is the way of a true parent.

Juuust jokiiiing! We don't watch TV here, of course. We read, or play, and then the children settle down for a nice 2-hour quiet, meditation/yoga/nap time while I re-group for the afternoon. Right? You too?!

It's suddenly the holidays again and I feel the need to write and remind you all to stick together. Right after your meditating, give another mommy friend a call. I think the worst moments of my parental life are when I get a little lost in the crap, just a little too mired down in the "SHE HIT ME AGAIN!" to realize that it doesn't actually matter who did it, it just matters that we all handle the situation with grace, dignity, and a little patience. Okay, at least a little patience.

So I am reminded to seek out other parents who I can talk to. I was having a bit of a difficult time with the preschool teachers this year, as they are very harsh and kind-of borderline mean at times to the kids--well, at least, dismissive, and I spoke with a whole bunch of parents at the open house last week. We all felt the same way, and it really made me remember to bounce ideas and concerns off of other parents. The same goes for less-important issues: things like, "I almost killed little _____ for breaking the arm of the couch off when she jumped from it for the millionth time" or "when they fought about who could draw which Star Wars characters, I just about lost it." Ah, the sweet and benign concerns of children.

Anyway, the best thing that talking to other parents does it give you some tiny bit of sanity back, whether it's because you get a little understanding, or just a good laugh from their problems (and if you think about it, pooping on the carpet would really be funny if it didn't happen to you. Again.)

So this Holiday season, no matter if you stay at home or not, remember to rejoice in the council of other parents. If we stick together we'll definitely come through this time of our lives with a modicum of sanity intact. (If we split up now, it's no telling who those little monsters will get to first.)

UNITE!

boredom, part 2 ("the stork")

When we met, Ben and I, I was independent. Actually this is an understatement, I was ultraindependent, a wommyn, a girl who just had to make do sometimes. My sister thinks that we had it rough in childhood (divorced parents, etc.) and I don't, since I have actually seen kids who had it rough. But I didn't have it easy, and I did have 4 jobs in college at one time just to make ends meet. To buy clothes, and books, and food. Not like designer clothes, either. My dad helped a bit, the government helped a bit, mom helped a bit, but a lot of the money and money stress was on me, and I decided young that I would not ever again have to depend on others for my living, and got a job. Or two. Mostly because I always hated to ask for help, and also because I never wanted to be someone who owed anything to anyone.

So this stay-at-home thing began not as a decision actually. I got laid off (almost) during maternity leave--I came back to work for 3 days and they laid the whole research floor off, so there I went. Which was great, some unemployment money, and some halfhearted searching, but it wasn't like I decided to stay at home permanently. It just happened. And maybe that's part of my cabin fever.

The debate rages on and on what's "best" for the kids. And I (as I am often saying) am a big fan of the theory that goes "whatever works for your family." That doesn't always mean I'll be silent about my opinion, but usually what works for you is best and you know it. So for us I do see a lot of greatness in my staying home with the kids. I know them best, better than anyone. Way better--no one can ever tell me something that happened without my already knowing it (except for the 2.5 hours of preschool, 3 times per week). And even as I write that I realize you're not seeing this point as so great....since that means they are my life. I mean, of course, they're my kids, so they're my life, but should they also be my life?? As a mom, are we even allowed to have a life?

Of course I think I should get out more when I read those statements. And my old friends would be so amazed at my life now, with my schedules about eating and sleeping. I think if you voted for "the person least likely to have a childrens' daily schedule and family monthly calendar posted on the fridge" in college, I would definitely have won that one. But they change your life, kids, and you realize that things are a lot, lot easier with a schedule. Especially if you have a husband who goes to sleep about 8:30pm every night. Then you better bet you put the kids the bed early in attempts at having a marriage too. Geez, cake AND eating? So one thing leads to another and suddenly you're left thinking, "honey, when's the last time we actually went out together?" How did we even get these children, since we never see each other?

Which is how the fable of the Stork was invented.

boredom, part 1

So I'm not really sure, but I think I'd like to write a book. A lot of friends and family, neighbors, etc. have said to me recently that they enjoy my rantings, and even if just all of them bought a book it would make more than I'm making now, probably.

It's so hard to be a "Stay-at home" person. I know a guy down the street who stays at home. At first I thought, maybe it's perfect: a husband stays at home, the wife works. Then she comes home, does all the "home-work," sees the kids, but still feels like she has both worlds. And guys are so laid back that they're not stressing out over outfits matching and hair brushing--they just go with the flow, and it's good for them, too. That's what I thought. A few minutes of listening to him talk about it, though, confirmed it. There's no job harder than the "Stay-at-home." No matter the gender.

The difficulty about it is the sameness. And it gets much worse this time of year. I was at Chuck-E-Cheese in mid-January with the family for a birthday party and you could see it everywhere: the look of desperation on parents' faces. The "Another 4 months until we can go outside for an extended period of time?!" look, and that's probably why it was so packed there. The best thing about this, though, as usual, is that the kids don't even notice. As long as you don't care, they pretty much find fun wherever, from running around the couch 50 times to imagining their straws are people talking to themselves. Or if you stress that they're always bored and understimulated, then they'll probably always be bored, and totally drive you nuts. That's the "stay-at-home"'s biggest challenge: realizing that they'll develop an imagination/soothe themselves somewhat/be okay if you just leave them alone for a second or two. Most of the time.

Unless your husband suggests this. In which case, it is absolutely ridiculous to think that a 4-year-old can be left alone for any extended period of time in which she is not being constantly stimulated. In fact, it's selfish. Poor guy :)

Okay, let's just say that I haven't been feeling myself as a stay-at-home lately. Part of it is the brokeness, the broke-as-a-jokeness, the "I want to buy food coloring/a razor/paper towels but I have to wait 3 weeks until the 3rd paycheck of the month since all the rest are spoken for." There's nothing so broke as one income, except, I suppose, no income. But no matter how broke you are with 2 incomes, imagine just one. We have been doing really well, I think, since we own a home in a really, really great neighborhood with the 2nd best schools in Pennsylvania living only on what Ben makes. And he's a carpenter foreman, a Union carpenter, which has its pros and cons but basically means "if you work your ass off, you will make money enough to live on for you and your family." It's not, if you might be thinking, CEO pay.

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